Wednesday, December 29, 2004
The death toll of Tsunami( over 70,000)....The preparation for the New Year Eve ball in Times Square( 6 feet in diameter)...what the hell is going on? I turned it off.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Monday, December 27, 2004
praying wheel
More than 25.000 lives were lost ....millions are suffering. Praying for all.
Nam mo a di da phat. Phu ho chung con. Tai qua nan khoi.
Nam mo a di da phat. Phu ho chung con. Tai qua nan khoi.
Grand parents 1958, Nha Trang
They both passed away. He used to give each other us rubber animal toys wrapped in new papers . She used to pick us up from school with her treats in her hands. Dad was in Jail ( re-education camp). Mom was selling second hand clothes in flea market. It was in the late 70's.
santa monica
A walk in solitude on the beach. I was touched by its beauty. Took my breath away. waves after waves, the refection of sunset, the breeze...and me.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
isomia
It is almost mid night. I am awaked. Siting and blogging while listening to my music library via itune in the shuffle mode. This night, tonight, i can feel it will be a long night ; it 's even longer with the cold air sneaking thru my windows. My mind is wandering with endless thoughts. what is being and what's not. Right this moment 12:01 am, the song " the ballad of lucy jordan " by Mrian Faithful playing out from my destop speakers , made me felt so pittyful. Took my eyes off the screen, i glanced at the lillte magnet " mona lisa" sticking onto my two draws files cabinet. I grin. The song " Alexander's ragtime band" sung by Louis Amstrong was on followed by "les passagers" by Etienne Daho. I love to play my itune in the shuffle mode. The inexpection of expectation. I am not quite sure what i wrote. My fingers kept on pucnhing the key broad ; letters became word; words became sentences ( with ton of spelling errors and lousy grammar,mistake has the nature of its own)...etc..Back to the music from my itune, Eric Clapton doing the ' Pretending" not bad at all. Stop for a while my hands was rubbing my head and my sunken eyes. I am tired. i am awaked. Unintentionally, i starred at my user name "whirlingboy". How I came up with this name? i don't know. " Gloss" from the cd paris lounge 2 is dripping...then " Low desert' by R.E.M ; I think michael stipe is sexy . May be i am thinking with the other head or may be not... Wew ....George Michael singing " i can't make you love me". I am coughing . Its horrible sound heaps into the night and elswhere...ok i posting it.
The deliever
Flew in from nowhere, a green bird landed on top the colum and said " you got mail" or something like that...
wild flowers
There are plenty of Wild flowers, who wants to play the crying game" you love me, love me not" and win the Prize of Uncertainty.
Laughing
I met A on a sundance trip to Tibet. One afternoon we took a walk into a remote village and encountered two lillte villagers who were cracking up so hard after practiced their English" Helo , money". I paused for few second and took this foto. i thought those kids believed that A was a "queer" monk. I have not seen A again. Hey dude; if you are out there, i just want to say that you are such a cool guy. Miss you.
the door, pink city.
One day as i strolling around in pink city, India , my eye got caught with this door. It is an old wooden door with rusty hinges but it is still forbidden.
rock N roll
One time bouncing on the trail, i discovered these huge rocks . i was amazed how thing happened randomly in order! al thou they look like some kind of dinasaur poop. Here come to my head the song " get it on' from T-rex.
Problems
just got home from work. I am not tired yet so i did log in and read 2 bloggers which i have been checking out oftently last several days. One bloger is madabandon and the other is extremeways. Coincident. they both wrote about their own problems. Madabandon has impaired vision in one eye although he is a talented composer and painter. He madly show us the picture of the good eye . Extremeways listed his medications with their pro and con. and how they clinically effect his body and mind. This is overwhelm me . As I read their blogs, my feeling stir up inside. J, i feel your loss. T, i feel your sickness. I knew J quite some time now. T, i never met you. but my compassion to you both are the same .no more no less. i didn't know what to write anymore at this point . From the bottom of my heart, i just want to say that there is an ordinary human being out there who is listening to and caring about you . You are not alone. Be strong.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
kodakrone high way
While my partner taking leak behing the rock, i decided to lie down on my stomach right the middle the kodakrone highway . All I did is try to glue me eyes to those paralel yellow lines and folow them with my eyes all the way to the far end of the road. Somehow i believed they would meet at certain poitn where i could not see. Got back to the car, i was planing in my head that i would look down the road for the whole time to see those two separate yellow lines would become one at last . The car drove off where we were and heading up the road. The hot wind blew against my face genltly. so relaxing so free. The buddha bar cd playing its chill out music, i leaned back my seat started to hym along with its tune. And just for a moment of unawereness , i forgot what i susposed to do as i planned out few miniutes ago. we were not driving thru this road again and i would never have a chance to find out the two yellow lines would became one or not....i asked myself that would i be back here one day in the future? would this kodakrone hight way still the same as the one i laid on flat that day. would the yellow lines fade? i was afraid to know and all i did was taking the picture of it....turned to my partner i asked" where are we going from here?" To see the shakepere arch. He replied with his hand reaching out and rub my head. I just stared in space and mumble" the arch"...
Birds, Utah
During the hiking trip in Utah, I was staying at a rental summer house located in Kalab. The owner said that the bumble birds need to be fed twice a day; one third sugar , two third of fresh tap water filiing up the red base flower jar. Here they came; sucking up the sugar water from one hole to another. I just wondered whether or not the birds know that red base jar hanging up the branch is not real flower? May be it doesn't matter to them as long as it taste sweet. They fly by , sucking up till full then fly away. They got what they wanted. I fool the birds or the the birds fool me? It doesn't matter.
Friday, December 24, 2004
The finger scrupture in paris
who says one can not get finger...ed in Paris. Hey I got a big one behind me and it is all mine. Cheer.
me in the hole
A& M chalenged me to fit inside that hole. i did and won. The impossible becomes possible if being flexible. Wow deep hah.
The elephan eye
Looking into this mother elephan eye, i can feel her pain. What have we done? Save the animal.
The Godness
He stands against time and no need to change the outfit. 24 hrs a day 7days a week 356 days a year...and on.
Christiana, Copenhagen.
Soon i entered this funky lillte village. The time seemed like stand still.This particular occasion i actually felt good being ...lost. Thanks to F who had me walked almost an hour to get here. For the first time i was surrounded with many people who appeared to be in same stage of mind as i was. I remember the waitress was so nice that she came to table gave me a chocolate bar." eat some sugar baby, i don't want you pass out from ..." you go firgure!
A note from J
b thank you...it is beautiful and i can't really put in words how it makes me feel but the sky out is dull and grey and those shades are in my heart but also happiness too. it is so hard for me to balance. i keep falling...the thing i think about you is so true in your words and it is the thing that i will always love. i wish in some way i could stop loving it but i don't know if it possible. so it is a gift and a curse...
violet lotus, thailand 2003
" b it's cool and your photos are excellent...your writing is good too. i want to read more...but it makes me sad also...complicated".
I messaged to J on Gdar to check out my blog. The quote above is what he wrote back to me. I felt bad that made him feeling sad. My relationship to J quite complicated but i treasure it as one of my unique experiences in life. His talents touch me as well as his heart and i am graceful for that. There are something in this world left incompleted and it meant to be that way, i believe. So we are all keep on searching for the missing pieces to finish the love puzzle. J , I delicate this poem to you from G.O'keefe:
nobody sees a flower
really,
to see
is to take time,
Like a friend taking time.
p.s
J, could you just smile while reading this. Don't feel sad. just cheerish the lotus for me. It's pretty thing rises above the muddy water.
I messaged to J on Gdar to check out my blog. The quote above is what he wrote back to me. I felt bad that made him feeling sad. My relationship to J quite complicated but i treasure it as one of my unique experiences in life. His talents touch me as well as his heart and i am graceful for that. There are something in this world left incompleted and it meant to be that way, i believe. So we are all keep on searching for the missing pieces to finish the love puzzle. J , I delicate this poem to you from G.O'keefe:
nobody sees a flower
really,
to see
is to take time,
Like a friend taking time.
p.s
J, could you just smile while reading this. Don't feel sad. just cheerish the lotus for me. It's pretty thing rises above the muddy water.
My bow to Rumi
—
THE AWAKENING
In the early dawn of happiness
you gave me three kisses
so that I would wake up
to this moment of love
I tried to remember in my heart
what I’d dreamt about
during the night
before I became aware
of this moving
of life
I found my dreams
but the moon took me away
It lifted me up to the firmament
and suspended me there
I saw how my heart had fallen
on your path
singing a song
Between my love and my heart
things were happening which
slowly slowly
made me recall everything
You amuse me with your touch
although I can’t see your hands.
You have kissed me with tenderness
although I haven’t seen your lips
You are hidden from me.
But it is you who keeps me alive
Perhaps the time will come
when you will tire of kisses
I shall be happy
even for insults from you
I only ask that you
keep some attention on me.
The Love Poems of Rumi by
Deepak Chopra (Editor)
THE AWAKENING
In the early dawn of happiness
you gave me three kisses
so that I would wake up
to this moment of love
I tried to remember in my heart
what I’d dreamt about
during the night
before I became aware
of this moving
of life
I found my dreams
but the moon took me away
It lifted me up to the firmament
and suspended me there
I saw how my heart had fallen
on your path
singing a song
Between my love and my heart
things were happening which
slowly slowly
made me recall everything
You amuse me with your touch
although I can’t see your hands.
You have kissed me with tenderness
although I haven’t seen your lips
You are hidden from me.
But it is you who keeps me alive
Perhaps the time will come
when you will tire of kisses
I shall be happy
even for insults from you
I only ask that you
keep some attention on me.
The Love Poems of Rumi by
Deepak Chopra (Editor)
Whirling dervishes
The Semâ (Whirling Ritual)
The semâ begins with a chanted prayer to The Prophet, who represents love, and all prophets before him. Next a kettledrum sounds as a symbol of the Divine order of the Creator, followed by haunting musical improvisation on the ney (reed flute) which symbolizes the Divine Breath which gives life to everything.
The master bows, then leads the dervishes in a circle around the hall. As they pass the master's ceremonial position at the head of the hall, they bow to each other. This portrays the salutation of soul to soul concealed by shapes and bodies.
After three circles, the dervishes drop their black cloaks. One by one, arms folded on their breasts, they approach the master, bow, kiss his hand, receive instructions, then spin out onto the floor. Through whirling, the dervishes relinquish the earthly life to be reborn in mystical union with God. Opening their folded arms, the dervishes hold their right hands palm-up to receive the blessings of heaven. They hold their left hands palm-down to transfer the blessings to earth.
X
Eventually, the semâ reaches a point where all dervishes are simultaneously whirling. After about 10 minutes, all stop and kneel. Then rising, they begin again. This combination of whirling followed by salute is performed a total of four times. Each of the four repetitions of kneeling is a salute, and they signify:
1. Humanity's birth to the truth of God as Creator and humanity's role as creature.
2. The rapture of man witnessing the splendor of creation.
3. Dissolution into the rapture of love and the sacrifice of mind to love, to complete submission to God.
4. Termination of the spiritual journey, including return to everyday life and subservience to God.
At the conclusion of the whirling, the hafiz reads the Koran, especially the verse from Sura Bakara 2, verse 115: "Unto God belong the East and the West, and wherever you turn, there is God's countenance. He is all-embracing, all-knowing."
The semâ closes with a prayer for the peace of the souls of all Prophets and all believers.
The semâ begins with a chanted prayer to The Prophet, who represents love, and all prophets before him. Next a kettledrum sounds as a symbol of the Divine order of the Creator, followed by haunting musical improvisation on the ney (reed flute) which symbolizes the Divine Breath which gives life to everything.
The master bows, then leads the dervishes in a circle around the hall. As they pass the master's ceremonial position at the head of the hall, they bow to each other. This portrays the salutation of soul to soul concealed by shapes and bodies.
After three circles, the dervishes drop their black cloaks. One by one, arms folded on their breasts, they approach the master, bow, kiss his hand, receive instructions, then spin out onto the floor. Through whirling, the dervishes relinquish the earthly life to be reborn in mystical union with God. Opening their folded arms, the dervishes hold their right hands palm-up to receive the blessings of heaven. They hold their left hands palm-down to transfer the blessings to earth.
X
Eventually, the semâ reaches a point where all dervishes are simultaneously whirling. After about 10 minutes, all stop and kneel. Then rising, they begin again. This combination of whirling followed by salute is performed a total of four times. Each of the four repetitions of kneeling is a salute, and they signify:
1. Humanity's birth to the truth of God as Creator and humanity's role as creature.
2. The rapture of man witnessing the splendor of creation.
3. Dissolution into the rapture of love and the sacrifice of mind to love, to complete submission to God.
4. Termination of the spiritual journey, including return to everyday life and subservience to God.
At the conclusion of the whirling, the hafiz reads the Koran, especially the verse from Sura Bakara 2, verse 115: "Unto God belong the East and the West, and wherever you turn, there is God's countenance. He is all-embracing, all-knowing."
The semâ closes with a prayer for the peace of the souls of all Prophets and all believers.
Tagore
FIREFLIES
Rabindranath Tagore
I touch God in my song
as the hill touches the far-away sea
with its waterfall.
The butterfly counts not months but moments,
and has time enough.
Let my love, like sunlight, surround you
and yet give you illumined freedom.
Love remains a secret even when spoken,
for only a lover truly knows that he is loved.
Emancipation from the bondage of the soil
is no freedom for the tree.
In love i pay my endless debt to thee
for what thou art.
Rabindranath Tagore
I touch God in my song
as the hill touches the far-away sea
with its waterfall.
The butterfly counts not months but moments,
and has time enough.
Let my love, like sunlight, surround you
and yet give you illumined freedom.
Love remains a secret even when spoken,
for only a lover truly knows that he is loved.
Emancipation from the bondage of the soil
is no freedom for the tree.
In love i pay my endless debt to thee
for what thou art.
Cemetery, Berlin nov'04
"An old man was walking thru the dead- but -not forgotten city. Leaning on the cane he made his way out to the gate. Who did he just see there? The loved one lying 6 feet under...."
This pic i took on the early morning walk around prenzlauberg. My stomach was sinking down as i saw that old man slowly approaching me. I can hear his words spoken to the loved one in silent...
This pic i took on the early morning walk around prenzlauberg. My stomach was sinking down as i saw that old man slowly approaching me. I can hear his words spoken to the loved one in silent...
Palenque 2003
I ( haft face shown) was listening to conversation what the ancient lives could be during the Maya era by interpeting the inprints on the stone temple. My other haft face was thinking about the delecious chicken molle. Uhmmmm. I did not see any chicken craved on stone, only corn on the cob. Wish Mr.Perdue was here joining our chic chat.
To let go
Comments to T,
Two years ago on a trip to Chiapas, i had visit a a old falling apart temple built by the river which i believe it divides mexico and guatamala. People said one should try to enter the temple, walk in the dark by feeling the wet molding wall and exit on the other side of the temple via one of its nine gates. I was wondered and asked the temple keeper " for what?" He said " to let go". I was scared getting lost in there. The Howling monkey were making noise above as i walked into it. i did it. I was some how not the same as the one who came.
Two years ago on a trip to Chiapas, i had visit a a old falling apart temple built by the river which i believe it divides mexico and guatamala. People said one should try to enter the temple, walk in the dark by feeling the wet molding wall and exit on the other side of the temple via one of its nine gates. I was wondered and asked the temple keeper " for what?" He said " to let go". I was scared getting lost in there. The Howling monkey were making noise above as i walked into it. i did it. I was some how not the same as the one who came.
Up
I got a good sleep last night. I feel so fresh and graceful . made myself a cup off coffee and ate an apple danish...and ofcourse enjoyed my stick form the wide wild west called marlboro. checked my yahoo mail and got an notice from good old friend who will visit me in 4 days from tel aviv. Wow it was 11 years since we knew each other. We were both in college then; so naive; so enthusiatic about things in life. we dated and became kind of boy friend for a while. Then he moved back and forth between NY and israel . i remember he was so lustful . Some times we hung out in the east village( so different from nowaday ), I used to held his wallet and bottle rolling rock while he fooling around with boys in the dark room at wonder bar where i used to lived across the street next to the power plan. As he came out from there i could smell the poper on his Tshirt. " i could not see the guy 's face but the thing was huge" he talked to me and reached out for the beer from my hand . What a buddy i was then. No regret. Now i am so called his older brother just ' cuz i am few month older than him. Well i can kick his behind if he misbehave but he always got away with his with giggle laughing that melted me. I was his first.....on his birth day with a bottle champain and strawberies . It was a pretty cold day in feb 1993. Our youth had been up and down with troublesome since, but the friendship , the feelings ain't fading way. I embrace it and being graceful for who we were. we are and will be.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
play mystery
Tonight as listening to CD " the gift of love" from Deepak & friends, i felt like...i looked.
Mouse
Went to the apple store today ( in the rain) to get myself a mouse. Thou I did not tell my cat .
wireless mouse...here it's a song echo in my head
"...i can see the pain you frighten of
i am only here
to bring you free love
let make it cleared
that it 's free love
no hidden catch
no string attached
it's just free love..."
- depeche mode-
wireless mouse...here it's a song echo in my head
"...i can see the pain you frighten of
i am only here
to bring you free love
let make it cleared
that it 's free love
no hidden catch
no string attached
it's just free love..."
- depeche mode-
D and The pillow talk
went to see D last nite around 11 pm and stay over. D was talking about the drawing class how crowed it was . There were a girl who sometimes modeling for class stood next to D during the session . Her drawings are skilled, D admited. The lady who runs the drawing group was crazy as usual. She was patrolling around like cop; now and then gave out some instruction or advise to several drawers which D thinks made her more visiblely crazy than doing any good. I ask D that M was there or not? M is middle age lady whom i had a 10 min conversation during my 30 min visit to the art openning in soho. She is also a long good friend of The crazy cop- like lady running the drawing group. i was a lillte hungry and D wanted to make me a lillte sandwitch but i declined the offer and ate the pecan butter icream in stead in bed. we were sharing the same spoon. D asked me how my smoking going. " Back on the patch again" i answered his question and looked the other way...
we cuddle up in bed; i felt a warm body pressed against my back...
" Do you stop for good this time?" D talked over my ears
" no" i replied.
" why?"
" i still have a desire ...."
" to smoke"
" my teeth are hurting" i changed the subject.
" went to dentist got them bleeched 2 days ago " i turned facing up to the ceiling and so did D. My hands were crawling over.
" we should go to bed" D said
" i got to see a client early the morning for some consultant work"
" ok" i turned to D.
we kissed and...
It was hot.
we cuddle up in bed; i felt a warm body pressed against my back...
" Do you stop for good this time?" D talked over my ears
" no" i replied.
" why?"
" i still have a desire ...."
" to smoke"
" my teeth are hurting" i changed the subject.
" went to dentist got them bleeched 2 days ago " i turned facing up to the ceiling and so did D. My hands were crawling over.
" we should go to bed" D said
" i got to see a client early the morning for some consultant work"
" ok" i turned to D.
we kissed and...
It was hot.